


Quiet

by KazePeriwinkle



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Other, There’s a reference to a rock song in here, let me know if you catch it, tw:anxiety/panic attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-31
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2020-09-27 16:50:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20411080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KazePeriwinkle/pseuds/KazePeriwinkle
Summary: Lin can’t sleep





	Quiet

Lin glared at the bedside clock like it’s sole purpose was to bring him misery. The harsh red numbers 3:02 AM might as well have been laughing in his face.

Usually Lin wouldn’t mind the late hours, but that was when he was getting things done. Four god forsaken hours had past and his notebook was embarrassingly empty. He wasn’t even sure what woke him up in the first place. Lin and Vanessa had finally gotten Francisco to sleep so they could get some shuteye, when Lin jolted awake with a sudden restlessness.

This wasn’t too unusual these days, but there was usually a reason behind his need to get up. Lin would be just about to fall asleep when a lyric or other writing idea popped into his head and he sprang awake before it vanished.

But there were no songs to write, not deadlines to meet, and no new ideas in his head. Just an aching need to move. The man sighed and slowly got up off the bed, careful not to jostle his sleeping wife. She was beautiful when she slept, completely relaxed and safe. Lin didn’t need to bother her with his now nightly insomnia. Maybe he should see a doctor. He filed the thought away for later and crept out of the room into the kitchen, trying to make as little noise as possible.

Lin could feel his eyes shrinking away from the light, though he couldn’t manage to keep them closed for long. His body screamed for sleep, his shoulders hunched too far and his neck had a kink in it just out of reach. His mouth was dry, and his whole body felt numb, but the poor man wasn’t going to sleep any time soon.

He had to do something with his time. He was awake, he should be taking advantage of that. Lin was no stranger to all nighters where ideas and productivity flowed for hours, he knows how to get in that zone.

Tired hands come up to even more tired eyes, lazily massaging the skin there. Lin was distantly aware that rubbing his face was only making him look older, distantly aware that he was getting older, distantly aware that he may not have that much time left.

Oh, so it was one of those nights. right on cue, numbness made room a slow creeping anxiety. It started in his throat, then his heart, and soon his lungs, gut, back, legs, until he was slightly shaking and sick to his stomach.

_Relax, Lin. You just need to go to sleep. You’re awake for no reason. Your kids are asleep, your wife is in bed, your friends are asleep in their homes too, you’ve accomplished a lot to get here and you’ll accomplish more. Relax. Relax. **Relax.**_

Anxiety attacks were fun. They were always over such stupid things. What had he even done to get to the point where he was gasping for air and curling himself in a ball like he was drowning? Mushing his face because he just needed to go to bed. He just needed to sleep. Why did he wake up in the first place? Why wouldn’t his brain ever slow down and let him rest? Why must he always be aware of his time ticking away? Lin took a long, deep breath in, and a shaky breath out. Another deep breath in, and another shaky breath out. This never worked the way people said it would. But he was on his own, so that was the best he got.

Lin’s mind was set on over drive. His brain crossed thoughts over each other too fast to track, and it felt like he was about to pass out if he didn’t start breathing soon.

”Daddy?” Lin nearly screamed at the sudden sound, whirling around to find his eldest son in the hall. The man let out a breath and took another in, finally getting the air he needed. “Hey buddy, whatcha doing up so late?” Lin cringed slightly at how dry his throat was when he spoke. His voice didn’t even sound like his own. Sebastian squirmed a bit at the question, “I had a nightmare.” The older man felt his heart squeeze as he looked tenderly at his son,

“ya, me too buddy. Me too...you wanna talk about it?”

“...no...can I have a glass of water?”

”Of course kiddo.”

The sound of the fridge running water in the dead silence of the night really made it feel like they weren’t in a normal time. Lin didn’t think about anything but getting his son a glass of water. It was like for a moment he completely forgot what he was stressing about before. “Ok, let’s get you to bed.”

The whole world was surrounded by a fuzzy white noise and the tiny pitter-patter of feet padding back to the childrens’ room. Francisco was still asleep, thank goodness, so Lin could take the time to tuck Sebastian into bed. Sebastian clumsily climbed over the bed frame before flopping onto the mattress. He let out a soft giggle when the motion made him bounce and Lin quickly shushed him, motioning to the sleeping baby only a few feet away.

”Do you need anything else?” He whispered, absentmindedly running a hand through his son’s hair.

”Um...I don’t think so.”

”Ok. G’night, tug if you need anything.”

Lin leaned down to plant a kiss on Sebastians’ head and tucked him in. He toed his way around the toys in the dark of the room before he made it to the doorframe, taking one last look at the sleeping boys before slipping out back into his own room.

Lightly pushing the door open so it didn’t creak, he could faintly see the outline of Vanessa’s back and her hair sprawled out across her pillow. It seemed everyone but him was fast asleep. Time to go to bed. Lin got back under the covers just as carefully as he had left them, but this time he was greeted with warm arms wrapping around his chest. Vanessa sleepily nuzzled into Lin’s back and he couldn’t help but smile, instantly melting into the touch.

Craning his head just enough to kiss his wife on her head, he closed his eyes and finally fell asleep.


End file.
